Thee Mighty R.J: Physically Capacitated To Rearrange Your Entire Biological Conception of Womanhood

You know, there are just some records that you are glad exist. It's not that they have any particular cultural value (to the contrary), or that they redefine any one genre or convention. Sometimes a record is just so audacious that it's very existence seems to bolster the concept of artistic merit in a modern world strangely devoid of such perfunctory gestures. The very fact that these kind of sounds exist at all either proves a total lack of judgement (more than likely), or a sophisticated sense of art so inclusive that it challenges the very existence of what we deem as popular music. 'Fungus Amoung Us' is one such song.

I was originally gonna use Fungus (incidentally, not the the Terry Nolan song) to pad out some bald spots in an up and coming BFTRB soul mix. And while it lends itself well to radio bumpers and between-tune soundscapes, it was only upon my getting royally blitzed and giving the single several listens (it really does require several listens to appreciate it's peculiar charm)that I decided that the mysteriously named 'Fungus'(I have no idea why it is called that) deserves it's own showcase with-which to lay down it's thread.

As is to be expected, there is pretty much no copy on this disc. The 'Soulville' label seems to intone a certain late 60's sensibility, even though the track is straight up late 50's R&B. Upon doing a little diggin' I was pleased to discover that 'Fungus' enjoys a healthy, if not widespread admiration amongst hip-hop aficionados, as the rhyme scheme - along w/ the likes of disc jockeys Jocko Henderson & Pete 'Maddaddy' Myers - typify the rhyming couplet which would one day personify Hip Hop, and the abomination which passed for R& B these days.

Note: It seems to me that 'Fungus pt 1 & pt 2 are reversed on the disc. I'd start w/ pt 2 to get the full narrative effect.

Fungus Among Us pt 2 - His Majesty the Mighty R.J.

Fungus Among Us pt 1 - His Majesty the Mighty R.J.

Just Call me Rooster Cogburn.

Went gun show hoppin' a fort-night ago, and what did i happen upon, but this-here pretty little rattletrap. I had always wanted a Winchester model 94' saddle-ring carbine, and while they are not particularly rare (Winchester's Hartford factory has churned out several million since the guns inception) they have become a bit pricey, especially since Winchester closed it's doors several years ago.

Having agonized over a clean, late model specimen earlier in the day, I was happy as all get-out to stumble across this unassuming long-arm with a price so easy on the wallet that I might as well have stolen it. The serials point to and early-teens manufacture date, and while it is in the standard .30 WCF (30-30 Marlin) it has several interesting features, most notably a special order shotgun stock, and an over sized lever loop (Generally assumed to facilitate gloved riders).

The weird thing is that the over sized loop appears to be factory (It bears the same wear as the rest of the gun). Did Winchester offer an over sized lever loop as a special order? I know that such accessories became popular following the debut of the 'Rifleman' T.V. show (God Bless Chuck Connors!) and 'True Grit', but this gun is decidedly older. I have read some oblique references to government issued 94' Trapper carbine models sent to the Pacific North West w/ similar features, but this particular gun is not federally stamped. I intend to write the Cody Museum to see if perhaps they can provide some answers. Regardless, this little workhorse is a welcome addition to the family.

Guess Who Got Hisself Some New Choppers?

I'll give you three guesses.

What's A Media Circus Without A Little Monkey Buisness?!

Sorry for the infrequency of postings as of late. What can I say, my natural state of grace is lazy, not to mention the fact that life has been stompin' a big ole' mud hole in my willowy chest. Good thing I'm adaptable, which brings me to the point at hand...

I'm still kinda jazzed about the Darwin thing, so I figure, even though I am a couple of days late to the party, I see no reason why I can't make those apposable big-toes of yours grasp the dance-floor and swing like a shapely simians talus bone.

Dig this, 1962's 'Let's Monkey Again'- also issued as "(Let's Monkey) at the Party" on 'Music World records - is one soulful bowlful sure to have you flingin your crap in no time flat, hence why I have selected it, naturally (get it?)

Let's Monkey Again - Persians

Mama's Chickens...or, De Boss Rooster

Nope...

Where is Your God Now?

Holy fuck! Scientists Unveil Missing Link in Evolution!

"The search for a direct connection between humans and the rest of the animal kingdom has taken 200 years - but it was presented to the world today at a special news conference in New York.

The discovery of the 95%-complete 'lemur monkey' - dubbed Ida - is described by experts as the "eighth wonder of the world".

They say its impact on the world of palaeontology will be "somewhat like an asteroid falling down to Earth".

Researchers say proof of this transitional species finally confirms Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, and the then radical, outlandish ideas he came up with during his time aboard the Beagle.

Sir David Attenborough said Darwin "would have been thrilled" to have seen the fossil - and says it tells us who we are and where we came from."

I wonder how the evangelicals are gonna take this news? As for me, I'm gonna get thoroughly tuned-up and spin some records about monkeys!!!

A Modern Way to Die, A Brand New Way to Cry

I'm sending this one out to Devildick as he's laid up on account of having his Fallopian tubes tied or somethin' (or maybe it was a sex change…). Regardless of what some mad scientist is doing to his junk, I figure I can aid in his speedy recovery by proffering two of DD's favorite things, fuzz and funk (not to mention raindrops and moonbeams and whiskers on kittens).

Incidentally, it really is amazing the lengths this man will go to just to get out of doing a little work…

Anyway, brought into being in the wilds of Milwaukee (Actually pronounced Mee-Lee-Wa-Kee, which I hear-tell from Alice Cooper is Algonquin for “The Good Land”) it's no wonder that 1972's ‘Modern Crucifixion’ was initially released on Brewtown records (Get it?). And while my humble copy boast of a 'Jewel' records parentage, it does not diminish this tune's desperate air and urgent feel. ‘Crucifixion’ comes out of the gate snortin’ (replete with copious cowbell), settling into a nice even-keeled urban crawl before dropping the street knowledge on your ass in the form of a fuzzed out reprise. Like any Soul Sister worth her sizzle-pants, this little lady’s good side is her back side, a little bit of ‘Loose Boodie’ rounding out this offering. Don’t believe me? Grab yourself a handful and find out.

Remember DevilDick, you gotta crawl before you can walk, and you gotta strut before you can take off runnin’.

Modern Crucifixion – Vic Pitts Cheaters (Featuring Omar Dupree)

Loose Boodie – Vic Pitts Cheaters (Featuring Omar Dupree)

RedBoy XIV

Finally, a Flimsy Pretext to Post Some Songs about Waffle House!

Waffle House waitress shoots customer in dispute over food!

Yesireee, no clever write-up needed to spin random breakfast experiences into blog-gold. Nope, no clumsy segway into the virtues of gritts, nor tales of late night excursions bordering on Waffle Noir. No, just a plain ole' human interest story intoning what we, as spiritual beings, have known all along: to enter a Waffle House is to enter a parallel dimension of questionable taste and values, and it is very possible that one among you might get killed...or, at least in this case, suffer a flesh wound.



Just in case it didn't make the national papers - in the early nineties the fine people @ Waffle House commissioned some of the brightest (i.e. Cheapest) artists in the South to contribute tracks to their own line of 45rpm records for use in their in-store juke-boxes.The only criteria was that the songs be wholly about the Waffle House, or, at the very least, boast significant Waffle related slant, thus 'Waffle' records was born. The rest is, as they say, history.



Needles to say, most of these records are complete crap, but seeing as how I have located all but one ('I Saw Elvis at the Waffle House'), you get to benefit from my unique expertise and discerning ear as I present to you the cream of the crap. No need to thank me. Your happiness is thanks enough. Serve w/ syrup and enjoy!

Waffle House Hashbrowns (I Love You) - Billy Dee Cox

Good Food Fast - Eddie Middleton

Special Lady - Billy Dee Cox

I stood among them, but not of them;

...in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts.

-Lord Byron

Gasp! It's...The Great Chicken Shortage of Ought-Nine!

First it was Popeye's Chicken, and now KFC has seen their poultry supplies crumble before the might of Oprah's PR machine. Will this living nightmare ever end, or has it only just begun? Brothers and SISTERS, I have seen the writing on the wall! The angel of St. John hath opened the first of seven golden-fried vials filled with w/ the secret herbs and spices of the Lord?

We will bring you more on this story as it developes, but in the meantime...



Chicken Twist - The Dappers

"Yer Like A Chicken Wit Yo Head Cut off!"

"I'm actually a thin, serious person, but I play fat and funny, but only for the movies."

R.I.P. Dom Deluise 08/01/33 - 05/04/09

Much like Carol Burnett, a comedian's true genius really comes through between takes.

"Where the Oak and Black-Jack Trees Kiss the Playful Prarie Breeze."

Oklahoma, where anarchy goes sweeping down the plains!

House bypasses governor’s veto to claim Oklahoma’s sovereignty.

"The resolution states the federal government should "cease and desist” mandates that are beyond the scope of its powers.

Key said many federal laws violate the 10th Amendment, which says powers not delegated to the U.S. government "are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.”

You tell em' cousin!

RedBoy XIII

"It's A Little Round Thing All Covered w/ Fuzz. Best Damned Stuff That There Ever Was!"

Parental Advisory: Explicit Fuckin' Post.

Short of ‘Rotten Cocksucker's Ball’ by the Blenders and ‘Poontang’ by the Treiners, can you honestly name the last time you heard a golden age filthy-fuck R 'n' R tune that doesn't rely wholly on entendre to drive the point home? Me neither. Enter: 'The Record Connection' in Pennsyltucky.



Ya gotta love a record shop w/ an X-rated section. Even though you invariably find yourself elbow deep in Red Peters (Yuck Yuck Yuck), once in a blue moon you might just find a real-deal dirty ditty that backs up the swagger w/ the sound.

Are these (J.C & the Cavemen) the pervert responsible?

I snatched my first ‘Yo Yo’ incarnation at the above mentioned establishment, and as the Quartercash label infers, the artist obviously didn't feel the need to hang a name on this opus. As for the subsequent copy on 'Fun'...well, I don't remember where the hell I found that one, but I am almost positive that Boliver Shagnasty is not his Christian name. But who is this racist/misogynist mystery man? Subsequent editions turn up on the 'Trash' and 'Allstate' labels, w/ such nom de plumes as J.C & the Cavemen (Originally the Nighthawks featuring Scotty Moore) and Shagmar Bullnasty (obviously a distant cousin). Popular consensus names the pervert responsible as either Rusty York (of ‘Sugaree’ fame) or J.C. Raynor. Damned if I know...said the big red rooster to the little red hen.

Yo-Yo - Unknown

Yo-Yo - Boliver Shagnasty

Tapping That Thing - Unknown

Tapping That Thing - Boliver Shagnasty

Note: The liberal use of purple cocks, in keeping with this post’s bawdy nature, is in honor of Devil Dick, whose insistence that my use of Roosters is pretentious calls into question the very self-aggrandizing nature of blogging itself. Enjoy the cocks, dick! Get well soon brother.