Consistency: The Hobgoblin of a Small Mind?

Well…it was inevitable. Punk had to die sometime. There is no way you can sustain that amount of nihilism without one day questioning your prospects (Dope or Law school?). Like any transition, it was always gonna get worse before it got better: what was once loosely focused anger turning into arty, non-linear existentialism before hatching New-Wave like a neon marshmallow peep. The hippies did it before, but where they so fully turned their back on their granola-eating tenants and embraced capitalism, your average retired punk still, despite the best efforts of upper-management, retains that irreverent shine that makes the movement so appealing after so many years - either that or they join/start a rockabilly band.

So if you, dear reader, like me, bemoan the compromising of principals which are now a luxury one can’t rightly afford, then dig this little road map of a post-punk landscape circa 79-87. You can still not shower if you like. Just make sure you show up to work on time.



The Mad - Sick!

Long before it became quaint to have an unintelligible Asian guy fronting your combo, NYC's Screamin' Mad George was out and about, rollin around on the floor in leathers and making incorrect use of the article "a", as in "I've got a syphilis". While not as good as 'I Hate Music', I don't own that one ($700 bucks my white ass!) so...


Wild Kingdom - The Way to Love

Great demo-tape track plucked from obscurity by the folks @ Boston's Throbbing Lobster Records for inclusion in their legendary series of comps. Why this track never became bigger than clam-chowder and baked beans, I'll never know, but it certainly is tastier, and less apt to give you botulism.



Rhino 39 - Marry It

This is the So-Cal band that got punk legends TSOL into the game, and if that don't get your attention...









The Pop Group - Thief of Fire

Circa 79' Dub-Punk (?!?!) straight outta Bristol. Best known for their collaboration w/ the Slits, this 'Group' is so arty they crap Picassos. That's OK though, cause unlike most cerebral acts, they are rather innovative and not in a "Look at me, I have a cello!" kinda way.





The Waitresses - The Comb

Since Christmas is now upon us like a pall of doom you might as well just become resigned to the fact that you are gonna hear that fuckin' Waitresses Christmas song transmitted in the fillings of you teeth from now till the end of advent. It might, however, help you to know that before they knew what boys liked , they were too busy shakin' their asses to give a shit.



The Birthday Party - Kiss Me Black

Everyone has been singing the praises of the new Nick Cave album for months, but I really don't dig it. It seems to me that he dumbed down all his lyrics over the course of the last several years to make them more accessible, but hey, I have a thesaurus and a King James bible. I can hang. Here we find Nick @ his least verbose, though I think it might be a dope thing, and less an ironic departure from preconceived tenants of genre. Still, it works.

Editor's note: Apparently Ed Roth, having designed the cover for 'Junkyard', was appalled at how the album's lyrics offended his Christian sensibilities. 'I stuck a six-inch gold blade in the head of a girl' indeed.


Guided Missles - I Used to be a Rock & Roller

A pseudo New-Wavy band from my neck o' the land (New Brunswick NJ), this track is kinda corny, but the sentiment seems extremely poignant when you consider the over-all death of the bar scene (R.I.P Melody Bar / Roxy), and the inevitable move towards more "grown-up" endeavors (again, dope or Law School?).

Editor's Note: Sorry. Didn't feel like taking a picture of the cover (I'm lazy). You didn't miss much.


The Shirts - Lonely Android

The Shirts are one of those CB's bands that just never made the cut. I guess they were too progressive for the Dead-boys crowd and had too many guitars where 'Television' was concerned.

Concerning CB's: Now that its gone, there is this weird mystique about it, but if you've ever hung your head-piece there, then you know that the booze is lousy, there is that one mutant step near the shitter which you always tripped over, and if there ever were a fire, you would surely be trampled by people trying to force there way though the chained-up fire exit before you even had a chance to burn to death.

Somehow I doubt that the re-dux they are planning in Vegas will embrace those quaint little touches.


The New Math - Borrowed Time (???)

I think that's the name of the song anyways. It's the last tune on Side: A of the 'Gardens' EP but there is no track listing, so I am gonna use the age old method of picking out the most oft used refrain and go with it. Perhaps best known for as the architects of 'Love under Will' offa the ROTLD soundtrack (Credited as the 'Jet Black Berries'), this band is a great example of the pop sensibilities that finally brought punk to its inevitable end.


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Blues for the RedBoy Presents: The Class of 87 Mix

A Thanksgiving Tradition!

Only the country which gave us rock 'N' roll and the teenage identity (For better or worse) could bring Boogey Men and Giant Apes together in the interests of a National Holiday observance.

Here's to having not grown up in some shit-hole third-world death factory. Salute!

Side Dish

When it comes to Thanksgiving dinner, I am a compartmentalist. What I mean is I cannot allow certain side dishes to intermingle. Understand, it is not that I am specieist when it comes to my food, its just that I am particular (see: crazy) and will not stand for the sullying of an annual meal, especially one as momentous as that which celebrates our total victory over those evil buffalo-humping savages who so callously stole all our small-pox blankets. Under no circumstances can sweet potatoes commingle with mashed potatoes, and likewise interact with my grandmother's orange/carrot Jell-o (Its better than it sounds - trust me). Bread is cool - it pretty much keeps to itself unless it's services are enlisted in some form of dipping or sopping. Gravy is one of the exceptions to the rule, as it effortlessly traverses the side dish barrier (see: Bread), thus bringing corn, stuffing and potatoes together in a thick slurry of carbo-goodness. And then there are cranberries...

Cranberries hold as special place in the hearts of New Jerseyeans. Much like corn, eggplant and tomatoes, Cranberries are a crop which is quintessentially 'Jersey' in nature (Sorry middle America, but your corn sucks). After all, cranberries require the down home charm of a bog for cultivation, and what is New Jersey besides a loose confederation of criminal enterprises separated by vast stretches of swamp.

As such, we of the garden State take cranberries very seriously. Nary is there another side dish, neither fruit nor vegetable which required its own separate plate, less it's acidic goodness spoil so much soul-food. Should one fail to observe such ritual, they would surely find themselves cursed with pink potatoes (not to be confused with mashed turnips) or - worse yet - fruity gravy...and that my friends is the very definition of Cranberry blues.

Cranberry Blues - Robert Williams & the Groovers

Riding Shotgun!

One can find the most marvelous sundries at one's local shopping-mall.



Stoeger Coach Gun SXS 12 Gauge (Fixed Chokes): While rather stiff in the joints fresh outta the box (Who isn't?), this equalizer should whistle Dixie with a little elbow grease (Polished chambers, reduced tension spring, etc...).

Now all we need is a rawhide sling and an English stock and we are in-the-pocket!

From the Halcyon Days of Yester-yore...

Witness the glory that is Count Fang-Burger and the dreaded Wolf-Burger!

Courtesy of my no-good brother.

One If By Land! Two If By Turntable!

Do you know what it's like to search the interwebs for the terms 'Spirit of 76' and 'Revolution' in tandem? I'll give you a hint - Fuckin' nightmare! Coupled w/ the fact that the A:side is called 'The Ballad of Ethan Allen' and you can just about fully fathom how much of a hens tooth this 68' disc is turning out to be. As the flip implies, Revere's Raiders were pretty soundly aped for this enterprise. No doubt riding boots and ruffled shirts were involved in some capacity.

Yeah, it sounds like It was recorded inside a tri-cornered hat, but beneath the fog of war is some top-notch guitar work in this militia's call to arms. Imitation being the sincerest, yadda, yadda, yadda this soulful track packs a patriot punch right below your rifle sling. Better cup your 'Dragoons'!

Note: I think we'll save the A:side for a season a little more 'Rocket's Red Glare-ish'.

Call on Me - The Spirit of 76' Music Revolution

Stop Stuffin' and Start Sho-Nuffin'!

With All Hallow's Eve soundly in the rear-view, we're gonna pick up the thread right where we left it - in the Broad Street gutter.

Ok, so Confucius he ain't, but Ray Weatherspoon sure does lay down the law on this circa 67' struttin' monster. Now, I could never pass up a platter on a label so shamelessly called 'Satan' regardless of the quality of the cut, but these two tracks don't mearly hide behind such cool trimmings. Instead they stand mighty tall on their own two platformed feet. It's the perfect marriage of infernal form and funky function!

The flip is your typical part duex scenario (Credited to one Billy Wiggens), but rather than just droppin' an instro track and skippin' town, the 'Wig' manages to throw some cool sax and organ work into the fricassee, makin' it a worthwhile flip for inclusion in this RedBoy's hallowed halls.

You heard the man, "Straighten Up!"

Stop Stuffin' and Start Sho Nuffin' - Ray Weatherspoon

Stop Stuffin' and Start Sho Nuffin Pt. 2 - Billy Wiggens

You Should Have Thought of that Before You Ate All That Candy...